Ash Happens - What are we talking about?

Ash can leave a trail of burning pain. but the fire refines us.

Life. It’s a journey. There is a lot of good. But there’s also ash…you know, the yucky stuff that happens along the way. It’s unavoidable, not matter how hard we try. For instance:

• not getting that job you wanted

• not getting the grade in school, or the award

• not making the team

• being picked on

• fighting

• addiction

• cheating

• losing someone

• losing a relationship

• infertility

• grief

• failure, even when you try your hardest

Ash happens in life. Anybody who has lived to a point of having memories knows ash happens. It’s not depressing; it just is. It’s part of the journey.

Some ash is of our own making. We make the wrong choices, and the next thing you know you’re in a big pile of ash. In those kinds of situations you often have the ability to make a different choice and correct it. Some call it repentance:  stopping what you’re doing and going the other direction. For instance, when you say something mean to someone you care about. Go to that person, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and learn from it. Or, you have the choice to keep making the same decisions and live in your ash. The point is, this is the ash you have control over. Sometimes we don’t like to think we have control, but that’s bullash.

Then there’s the ash we don’t control. The stuff that happens that we didn’t see coming, that is beyond us. Sometime we also have a role in these situations, we just don’t always realize it until it happens. Like when someone else does something that changes the course of everything. We can’t control what other people do, even when it affects us. Especially when it affects us. And it is infuriating. We didn’t cause it, we didn’t ask for it, and we still have to deal with it. That’s a different kind of bullash.

That’s what happened in my life. I had finally gotten to a place in my life where I thought I had everything I wanted: the husband, the house, two dogs, possibility for kids, extra money in the bank, family, friends. I believed I had gotten to the place I always wanted to be…living my version of the dream. I was happy (so I thought) and I was content. But my life imploded, through no choice of my own, and the dream I had been striving for became a nightmare I had to endure and survive. And, at times, I didn’t think I would. In fact, I knew I wouldn’t. And, yet, I did.

So what do you do? Well, that’s part of what we’re going to figure out here. I’m going to share with you how I’ve dealt with my ash over the years - the good, the bad, and the ugly ways - and what I’ve learned from that. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. But, I’ve learned a thing or two along the way in dealing with my ash. You can read more about that my story here, if you’re interested. Maybe it will help you. Maybe it won’t. I don’t know…I just want to be transparent and honest. I want the pain and ash I’ve gone through in life to help someone else. One of the worst parts of being mired down in the ash is thinking you are alone, and no one else has felt what you have. Our experiences won’t be the same, but the feelings that go with it - the pain, loneliness, insecurity, bitterness, hopelessness - they’re the same. And I think I’m supposed to share my experiences. I think that’s part of the purpose of the pain and ash, the reason we go through it: to help others.

I’m sure you’ve dealt with some ash. That means you have a great deal to offer to others, so please share:  what ash have you dealt with in life and how?